Don't Fight with your Spouse If Finances are Tight: Do these 4 Things Instead

 There's something major going on across the country (and maybe world?) right now. I've felt it personally. I've seen it in friends' faces, heard it in their comments, seen it in their posts. People are slipping financially, and that's scary.

When the balance on savings is going down instead of going up, or the credit card balance is getting to be out of hand, those things affect ourselves and our families. The most important take away you can get from this blog today: do not turn around in fear and get into a fight with your spouse about spending. If you're single, this means not raking yourself over hot coals for slipping behind. You're not suddenly doing things wrong, or overspending. The financial picture has drastically changed and affordability and inflation means that everything we're buying is costing us more. 

How do we keep our footing instead of falling further behind? Try these four things-

1. Take a financial literacy course. 

In 2019, David and I took a Financial Peace University class. Of all the things we've done financially, this has been the most significant. Don't like Dave Ramsey? There are lots of other classes available. Taking this as a couple can help end the arguments over spending and give you a framework to feel better about your financial position.

Don't have time or energy to do something this big while you presently feel you are drowning? Focus on the next 3 tips instead.

2. Try to get ahead of big purchases.

Maybe you know you need snow tires in November. Maybe you just found out about a big school trip abroad in May (true story). Birthdays, Christmas shopping, car insurance all are a little easier if you have a stack of bills set aside for them.

 If cash isn't your style, try a Google sheet where you track money in your regular account by purpose as you earmark it. If you can make a separate account into a sinking fund (put a little in each week and pull out when you get to the purpose it's for) or an emergency fund (same exact thing but truly for emergencies). 

3. Save Where You Can So You Can Spend Where You Wish

A former CFO I worked for gave me this phrase. While it might suck to think of trimming things right now (our financial system almost feels unjust), spending is one thing we have control over. 

Subscription services? Give one the axe. Don't eliminate all fun, everything enjoyable, but you can make things more affordable. Instead of a dinner out with friends, join them for coffee (or invite them over for coffee or dinner at a fraction of the cost). Have a lakeside picnic instead of a paint and sip. Take your kids to free attractions with library passes. Institute a 24 hr waiting period before clicking check out on that shopping cart. You may not want that colorful toaster tomorrow morning.

Remember, you're the boss (or co boss) of your financial position. If something feels important, pool your resources to make it happen. Lean on community. Maybe family members would love to give towards something meaningful like that class trip for your children rather than toys. Maybe your daughter's babysitting money can buy her that lunch out she wants instead of it coming from the family funds. 

If things get worse, lean on your community. If your mortgage or rent is really unmanageable, contact a local charity about temporary assistance. There's nothing wrong with visiting a food bank or starting a go fund me. Your church may be more than happy to help with the price of costly repairs. You are not alone in this world 

4. You are MORE than your financial position 

Your identity as a unique, amazing, quirky person is not on the line here. The economy at large, and your bank account personally, do not define you. Do not look upon the changing financial picture and interpret it as personal failure (while we all make personal mistakes, affordability right now is more like a tornado that struck our communities).Be humble enough to acknowledge the affordability issues, and you might find a kindred spirit with a shoulder to cry on. 

There is more to this world than what you consume. Good, beautiful and amazing things are still available (for free). Enjoy parks, public libraries, free trails, stargazing from your yard or window. There's more to you that what you buy and what you wear, and who you provide for. Your kids won't be scarred hearing no from you. You're more than a provider and a consumer. Don't forget that!

The descent

 This weekend, Alex Pretti lost his life in Minnesota. Sadly, this is not the first life list lost in the name of immigration enforcement. This time, something that was just below the surface for me, came ratcheting to the surface of consciousness. 

Recently, I have watched conservativism in America become stripped of nearly every ideal I hold dear. Republicans removed any specific mention of abortion from their platform in the last election cycle, instead, watering it down to some sort of vague statement about life. I've cringed time and again while first amendment rights to assemble and to criticize the government have been criticized, ignored or straight out attacked. Leaders flaunt the system in their favor, redacting and redacting and redacting all actual meaning from the Epstein files. If confronted, the answer is always the same- "Those other guys are worse"

Let me say this loud and clear. Conservative America doesn't want you a tiny bit less terrible than someone else. We want Truth. We want moral, just leaders, not someone willing to paint an ICU nurse as a mass murderer without a shred of evidence. We want you to admit wrong when there is wrong. We want you to embrace humanity and mourn the loss of any life, not just the life of those on "your" side. It's disgusting to hear the justification, the pontificating, the "I respect law enforcement" BS that was used to frame this whole incident, analyzing every detail, saying all the things except, "It's terrible someone would lose their life in this way."

Last on the cutting room floor - the 2nd amendment. Kash Patel and Kristi Noem characterized Alex Pretti's choice to carry a weapon as illegal and foolhardy or sign of malfeasance. It was none of these. In a police state, a weapon is an equalizer, and argument elegantly made by the Libertarian Party. If you don't believe that carrying arms can make a difference and actually lead to a peaceful outcome, read "The Milagro Beanfield War."The current government has finally come for your guns, because they don't want you having power. Think about that for a minute. Then, say a prayer, because we're all going to need one. 

Margins

 I recently read a book called, "The More of Less", a Christian approach to decluttering our homes and our lives. It's not my first "getting your $hit together (and having less $hit) will improve your life"-type book (nod to Marie Kondo), but as with most things, what is at the front of my attention is what I usually ponder. 

What I really started thinking about is spare time. Sure, there's some old possessions that need to be sorted and largely chucked, but what I want, really want, to streamline is my calendar. 

I just returned yesterday from a two-day, mid-week, annual parish camping trip. Attendance on any given day always waxes and wanes, but the attendence this year was definitely down. My daughter was the only kid to attend the whole time. The chief organizer had even considered canceling, but decided it was too important to forgo. "Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in their midst", we recalled from the gospel. When wondering about the numbers, it was concluded that folks were just too busy. Instead of looking at it as busy-ness, which is always around, I started thinking about it as margin.

What is margin? Imagine that flat piece of loose-leaf paper with the thin blue lines and the three holes on one side. Towards the edge of the right and the left were a light red line. Outside the middle is the margin. When you're taking notes, you stay inside the red lines, but if you run out of space, you spill to the margin. 

The margin effect isn't precisely a matter of time, either. When we look at families, it's the time and effort and resources combined that will be required of the responsible parent to participate. Maybe the time piece works, but the effort piece is large. Maybe the mental or physical effort is too big, on top of work or illness or other commitments. Or maybe the cost is prohibitive, which plays into margin as well, particularly for folks living paycheck to paycheck. 

We tend to have very full lives, but the fullness isn't the problem, necessarily. It's the lack of margins. With 40 hours of work in a typical worker's week and maybe mandatory overtime coupled with a 6 day a week sport commitment for some student athletes, many American families are writing on the paper from edge to edge. 0 margins. It's unsustainable. 

What do the margins do? They give us time to help someone in need (The Good Samaritan clearly had some margin). They give us time to really engage with our kids. To parent slowly and intentionally and well. They give us time for organizing and thought and recovery from the other tasks. They tend to be the places we put tasks that really feed our souls, like reading, writing, gardening and creating. Margins allow us spontaneity. They allow us rest. Margins are biblical, too.

God in his infinite wisdom knew how challenging human life is. He knew that to survive (think early man here) we would need rest even when we would think we'd need to keep working towards survival. The Bible talks about rest a lot. He gives us a commandment to take one day a week off. It's a gift, not a requirement. 

I've been blessed with some margin. I'd like to grow mine. It's a rare week where I have much slack, but I usually have some, that I usually industriously fill with chores and fun. (This blog is brought to you by my early morning margin). What can I do to grow my margins? What can we do as a society to grow our margins? What would we use the space for? Take a deep breath and ponder. 

3 things I think about Immigration, and 2 I disagree with

 You'd have to be entirely disconnected if you haven't heard that President Donald Trump, eager to show promised action to his electorate, has begun to flex federal power on deportations.

"Illegal" immigration has been an issue that our country's government has squabbled over, tacitly ignored and simultaneously exploited for most of my life (and maybe, longer). Both Democrat and Republican presidents have vowed to deport those in violation of our country's laws. The only difference, from what I can see, is each of them has a different set point on their "thermostat".

 All immigrants here without the federal government's official blessing are dangerous criminals is the current administration's talking point, meaning their thermostat for deportation has been turned way up to the boiling point. Mass deportations were promised, and it appears that mass deportations will be delivered, with a daily goal currently set by the administration for ICE to round up 1,200 detainees per day. 

Most people, however, recognize the ridiculousness of calling most immigrants dangerous criminals. It's the nasty rhetoric that attempts to make the government's actions more palatable- a "protection from invasion". People who shared a bus with us, bussed our table at a Mexican restaurant, or mowed our lawn last week didn't draw a sideways glance; now, a danger? Statistically speaking, undocumented immigrants commit fewer crimes than citizens, likely to steer clear of the law as a form of self protection. It is estimated by the Department of Homeland Security that 11 million people fall into the undocumented category, having crossed the border or overstayed their current visa. Of those, 650,000 have a criminal background of any sort, which is 5-6% of the total. 

Of course, there are some violent migrant criminals, and lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have long been acting to deport these individuals after they have served their sentences here. They're the justification to get us all to stomach the raids, the sweeps. Of course, the new administration has already said that it's fine with "collateral" arrests, those people that ICE were not looking for, but stumbled upon.  So, for the purposes of this conversation, let's focus mainly on the vast majority of migrants and refugees, the collateral detainees, just trying to live their lives in peace.

Here are three perspectives of mine on our current immigration situation

1. People are resources 

The heaviest, most difficult thing to see happening in this country right now is the undervaluing of human lives. Migrants are no exception. Every human brings something to the table, and they all bring different things at different points in their lives. A troubled teen can grow up to be a business owner or a school teacher. An immigrant started the yogurt company, "Chobani".  There's a massive amount of labor going on in our country that is thanks to the migrant workers. Our economy would be severely wounded if every undocumented worker would somehow "disappear".

Of course, " 'cause- the economy" is a shitty reason to do anything. The value that people bring to the table is soul work, not labor. Elderly people teach us wisdom, infants teach us patience, it's all valuable, from cradle to grave. It's important to recognize the impact of mass deportation, but the economy alone matters little when it comes to the worth of any human life. Each human being has intrinsic value, a sacredness that is a form of equality. 

As family size grows smaller, fewer people are having children and fewer children are born in America, you would think that extra workers would be viewed as a benefit. Unless they're not meeting someone's eugenic standards. We don't need a bunch of ultra-rich businessmen defining who's worthy and who's not. 

2. All people have human rights 

Picking up on #1, all people have human rights, that belong to them upon birth. People have come here from the beginning of our country, rich and poor, to make a new start for themselves. Rounding people up in raids and separating them from their whole life and livelihood is a terrible thing to do. Worse, family separations are promised, which compounds the damage by passing it to the next generation. 

3. Legal precedent matters

We've never seen immigration enforcement so swift and so gleeful. Every day a person is in this country, it becomes more of a home to them. It's like there's a reprieve of the law. It's the line from the movie, The Princess Bride, "Good Night, Good Job, Wesley. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Eventually, the threat wears out.  There's a tacit agreement between the country and these people, by the fact that they have not been deported long ago. The law calls this "precedent", and it's one (good) reason it's so hard to change anything in this country. 

Because, people move on. They start to breathe. They put down roots. They marry, get jobs and go on with their lives. Many begin the process of becoming citizens. Many would love to be able to afford to do that. But that part doesn't actually matter, see, because we've told them for years that it doesn't.

Here are 2 things I hear when folks are discussing immigration that I disagree with:

1. "They're taking our jobs/resources"

Working class Americans often spout this as a reason to proceed with deportations. However, the type of jobs that migrants do are not ones we're really interested in as Americans. No one's looking forward to picking crops or cleaning toilets. It's important work, and it needs done, and there is value in it. But I doubt the Americans who are complaining about the loss of jobs would be willing to do these jobs. 

One of the earliest methods of controlling the poor is to give one subset a slight advantage over another subset. This effectively drives a division between the two.   Sometimes, this works. Sometimes, it doesn't and the natural gregariousness between people means that friendships, romance, family and bonds arise regardless of legal status, cultural differences and across situations. Either way, when you hear this argument, just remember this tactic. 

 It's also a matter of perceived scarcity: The wild lie that we're on our last crumb, and we must cry out selfishly or starve. I'm sorry, you can't convince me we're truly facing scarcity in our country when we have rows and rows of empty homes in our area that only see occasional use; when people spend more than a week's salary on a new phone. Yes, life can be hard and undoubtedly harder for some than for others. But true scarcity? That's a lark.

2. Open borders would be best 

I disagree that the solution to our current situation is just to wave everyone in. First, this would encourage more people to put their lives on the line to undertake a dangerous and uncertain journey. It's a gamble that might not be worth taking. 

Everything is so much harder for those who live outside the system, like undocumented immigrants do. To put it simply, they are harder to help. Sadly, too, our current status quo of "don't ask, don't tell" about migration created a caste system of laborers (and even human trafficking victims) to be exploited at lower wages and poorer conditions. It's kinda like leading people on, right? Unless we actually fix the broken immigration system, letting people in but not actually getting them fully resettled as legal residents or citizens is just another form of injustice. Many people in fact have entered our country and are floundering amongst the challenges.  They may want to go home to family and country, but have either no resources to actually make the trip back  or no situation in their home country that would allow it, like housing or jobs. 

Although we're clearly not at that point, there is also a tipping point where we would reach carrying capacity, a true scarcity situation. Prudent controls on the border, slowing or stopping the number of new immigrants arriving are measures that are a far cry, however, to what is happening today. Careful assessment of potential refugee status should always be part of prudent and ethical border control. 

What's the business case against mass deportations and for widespread amnesty?

Our best hope in all this mess, believe it or not, is that Trump and those in his inner circle are businessmen. Note, I do not say that I am hopeful. But it is our best hope. They absolutely must realize the risk of over-deportation to the point where food would rot in fields and construction would thoroughly stall. I sense the goal here is to shake people up, make a good show of power, and then let things trickle off, after they feel like they've won the pissing contest toying with people's lives.

One of the most difficult and mind blowing aspects of this push for mass deportations is how unnecessary and wasteful it is. It's expensive to detain and deport people. The cost of a military flight back to Central America is more than first class. Rounding up, feeding and detaining the collateral deportees is also expensive. The toll of human costs is far more expensive, though. Collateral damage, indeed. 

Amnesty is one option out of this mess. Setting aside the nightmare and headache of the citizenship process, amnesty would speed up the process to legitimatize those who have been here anything longer than a few weeks or months. 

Those who don't feel too concerned about the collateral deportees or feel they would be justifiably removed because they broke the law coming here, please take a moment to consider the person as a human not a number. The punishment surely overshoots the "crime". It would be like if a state trooper was allowed to shoot out your tires because you were doing 5 mph over the speed limit. 

This has been an emotional blog for me to write. I also recognize with humility how small a voice I have. My intention is to ask each of you to consider this problem thoughtfully, thoroughly ,and respectfully. For further reading, please consider "Solito, Solita: Crossing Borders with Youth Refugees from Central America". If you are interested in helping immigrants and refugees in the US, consider a donation to Catholic Charities in a city near you. 

On Suicide

 Suicide is a painful topic hurting many individuals in our society. Besides ending the lives of many, suicide rips holes through families, traumatizing family and friends of the deceased. September has been named Suicide Prevention Month, and it's as good a chance as any to connect a little more on a heavy topic.

Suicide is a choice, but one brought on by poor mental health, despair and poor thinking. It is not freely chosen. Wrong turns have been taken to come to this wrong-headed conclusion that taking one's life is a necessary evil. For those in modern times who see choice as the ultimate good, it can be hard to have a response to suicide, though we may innately still feel it's wrongness. Suicide is however as much a flaw with our society as it is an individual choice. 

Despair and loneliness have a heavy hand to play in these deaths. Loneliness has reached a point that it is now considered a health crisis. Without a circle of support, it can be hard to keep going in dark times. Depression and other mental health disorders of course play a role. Another less recognized driver is a change in how many view humanity. 

With economy, utility, productivity and efficiency forming a new basis of understanding value to the exclusion of other values, not all human lives are considered equal. While those who are healthy and hardworking are celebrated, those who are ill, including the mentally ill, may not be considered worthwhile. The homeless, the immigrant, the disabled and the unborn (and especially the disabled unborn) are hard to justify when cost and profit are the only measurements taken. When society falls for the lie that some lives are disposable, the fabric of our very society is damaged. Our understanding of who is worthy and who is not is inherently degraded. If net worth is the only thing that matters, a person may feel like they are a burden or worthless unless they are a "well worker" and decide to take their own life. When we unravel one corner of the blanket, we can't prevent other areas from being unraveled as well. One illustration of this is that disabled individuals seeking medical care in Canada are reporting pressure to accept medical aid in dying, even if their condition is not terminal. 

The good news is, life has worth and meaning, in every human being, outside of their utility. You are more than your bank account, your job, your wellness, your fitness level or your credit score. I don't want to live in a society where children are considered a drain but millionaires waste money cryogenically freezing themselves to "prolong" their potential life. I want to live in a world with flawed, broken people, because we're all flawed and broken. Eugenics was the terrible thought experiment of the early 20th century, and it led to the gas chambers of Nazi Germany. When we choose who lives and who dies, we always choose wrong- including if we choose to end our own life. It is never acceptable to solve economic problems with a death sentence. 

QPR training is a suicide prevention program frequently given to healthcare providers. It means: "Question, Persuade, Refer". Asking a loved one whether they are considering suicide is an important first step. Next, we work to persuade them to get help (and stay alive). Finally, we look to making a connection with a competent, compassionate mental health provider or treatment helps to complete the loop. This is one tool that can be used to help those in need. 

Several years ago, I was able to attend a workshop on suicide prevention at the Rocky Mountain Conference, a yearly conference of pro-life pregnancy support centers. One of the things I learned is that frequently those young people who die due to suicide have been found to have 3 things in common: a lack of a sense of who they are, and no sense of who loves them and no sense of who needs them. I have introduced my yearly religious education classes by asking my students to identify various ways to describe those three things. This is one small thing I can do to help remind these children to see themselves as worthy, lovable and loved. 

Pope Francis speaks of St John Vianney consoling a widow whose husband died by jumping from a bridge. St. John Vianney told her, "God's mercy is between the bridge and the river . . ." I will continue to pray for God's mercy for all of us in all of our collective struggles. 

I have a friend who always posts (and rightly so) to call her for support at any time. I'd like to echo that to anyone who's struggling with mental health, with feelings of worthlessness. Don't hesitate to reach out. Your life is worth so much, and suffering is hard, but you don't deserve a death sentence. I want to see you live. 

3 Less-Than-Helpful Things Concerning the Housing Crisis (Plus 3 Out-Of-The-Box Solutions)

It's probably at least once a week that I see posts in our area's community Facebook page where folks with a tone of desperation are reaching out- frantically searching for housing. Sometimes they are folks I know, and sometimes they are total strangers. Sometimes they are long-time locals, and sometimes they are newcomers. Sometimes they are single, and sometimes they are families. Their needs are the same- some sort of semi-permanent or permanent home that they can be secured of in a price point lower than the $2000 + a month range. That seems to be the new price point of our area's meager offering of rentals.

It's heartbreaking. It's also easy to get jaded about this housing crisis as it is a long-term fixture in our area. Too, any time we encounter a problem that keeps coming up again and again that we have little to no personal agency to solve, let alone make any headway on, we tend to have an innate reaction of apathy to some degree just as a protective mechanism for our own sanity. It's normal and natural to want to throw up our hands or wash them of the whole business. We want to walk away from the mess either mentally or physically.

One of the reasons I keep posting on this topic is that I don't like that apathy, normal though it is. It's important to realize that with each name, there is a story of a person whose life is now thrown into chaos because they are lacking one of life's fundamental needs- a roof over their heads.

In various discussions and commentary surrounding housing, I've noticed some common themes in folks' commentary. Here are some of what I hear and see that I could do without:

1. Blame the victims 

This can come in a variety of statements. Locals get blamed for voting for tax increases, for instance. "Well, you did this to yourselves by voting to raise the community's property taxes!" We get blamed for having pets (it is harder to rent with cats or dogs). We even get blamed for "choosing" to live here, "It's an expensive place to live, if you don't like that, you should move someplace else". 

Of course, none of this mentality is new, especially when you consider those who are homeless. How many times have we heard the jib "Get a job, you bum!"? This kind of erroneous thinking was deconstructed in the song "Underwear goes inside the pants", by Lazyboy, making the point that homelessness many time is driven by mental health issues which are not a choice.

Blaming the victim mentality goes far further back, of course. We only have to look to the Book of Job in the Bible. Folks he knew were sure Job's trials were due to his sin, but they weren't. This tendency is ancient and I believe it serves to separate the thinker from the sufferer, preventing the necessity of reaching out and helping. After all, if people dug their own grave, that absolves us from the responsibility of helping to get them out of it. 

2. Recognize that some solutions don't work for everyone

Another thing I've heard are statements suggesting that people just don't know how to leverage this system to get a place. They might suggest a family should just pick up and move to another area, not considering the close personal ties that they may have or the large financial cost of moving. In the case of Resort Town Colorado, they suggest moving to another cheaper town in the area (for us, that town doesn't really exist within commuting distance.)

They suggest to renters who are struggling to stay afloat that home-ownership is the answer. Home ownership after all will give them stability; avoiding constantly rising rent and increasingly fickle landlords who may kick them to the curb at any time. And, in a way, they are absolutely right. However, what are the barriers to home ownership?

They wonder why people haven't been able to save money to afford a purchase and suggest they start setting money aside by budgeting, scrimping and saving. "Give up Starbucks, you'll be able to afford your own place in no time!" In our area, houses below three quarters of a million dollars are becoming few and far between, and those below $500,000 are nearly extinct. Say you were able to find one of those "bargains" at a half million. If you were able to set aside $100 a month towards your future purchase by economizing, that would be roughly $1,200 a year. Not too shabby, right?! If you kept up that same rate, you could save up a 10% down payment in about 41 years. Hope you'll be able to pay the mortgage of $2,250 a month by then- sorry, that doesn't include property taxes or insurance.

Speaking of downpayments, people also mention down payment assistance (a great program that does help!) as a magic bullet to get people into home ownership. Or, they will mention Habitat for Humanity, which certainly does a lot of good! Unfortunately, some of our working class people fall outside the parameters of this program. These are all great ideas, but pointing them out to folks who don't fit the criteria is like pointing out amusement park rides through a fence to a child who only has 2 nickels in his pocket.

Even if a person was able to obtain downpayment assistance, that person would also have to compete in a housing market that has other folks waving around cash offers above asking price. That's to say, they'd have to compete! They'd also have to afford monthly mortgage, property tax and insurance on the high-priced place. Places that might actually be within reach are manufactured homes, which many banks will not lend for. Places that have manufactured homes also don't always include the land, which leaves the buyer paying lot rent ad infinitum. Doesn't exactly sound like a starter home environment, does it?

3. Support inaction

Our local government and our local people can sometimes create barriers to solutions as well. Trailers, RVs and manufactured homes cannot just be placed on a parcel of land, for a land owner to live in (the unsightly-ness!). NIMBYism drives opposition to new affordable housing and trailer parks. (NIMBY =Not In My Backyard). Folks who choose to camp permanently as a solution are forced to move sites frequently as a deterrent to this lifestyle. Irony of ironies, you can park your RV right in your driveway or on your land as long as no one is living there. RVs as displays of wealth are allowed, but displays of habitation are not!

Any time a proposition comes forward, people fight about it. They may feel it won't go far enough. They may feel it goes too far. It may not be affordable enough. It will cost too much. It's natural to want the best plan, but we keep finding ourselves with no new affordable or attainable housing being built. You can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Lastly, they may have decided that since the housing crisis is someone else's problem, they don't need to step in or make their voice heard. This damages our community, because we are all interconnected. When we lose those citizens who are forced to leave to prevent their own homelessness, we lose community. Our child's best friend moves away. We cause destabilization. We contribute to the loss of employees and increase the cost of doing business because employee turnover is expensive. For those who manage to stay, but to the detriment of their pocketbook, we create workaholism, absentee parenting, and stress. We create a culture of people living paycheck to paycheck because they can't save to get ahead when all their money is going to rent increases.

We need to change how we're thinking about housing. We need to recognize it's a value to be invested in, that those who need it most don't have the means to solve the problems. The problems existed before them and will continue to exist as long as we don't build the options we need for people in every class.

Now, here are some potential ideas that may be practical solutions in some cases:

1. Intergenerational Housing

Having roommates can be challenging, but what if we have roommates who are our own children, nieces or nephews? Intergenerational Housing has been the norm throughout the world for much of human history. Yet, we speak of a 30 year old who's living in their parents' basement as some sort of failure and a pox on our society. Many of the larger homes in our area are out of reach for a single family, but could be within reach if parents and adult children pooled their resources. Likewise, siblings could share housing. Instead of looking down on this type of arrangement, we can normalize it as a potential solution. Use of written agreements and a set of expectations from all parties decided beforehand can help minimize the potential for familial conflict.

2. ADUs and Resident Owned Communities

Accessory Dwelling Units are apartments or dwellings attached to another, usually larger dwelling. They allow an already established home to create a living space for someone else in our community. They can go a long way towards serving the needs of folks in a variety of situations. New homes could be encouraged to include an apartment in the basement or garage as a way to help someone whose stretching to pay that higher mortgage, thus helping the homeowner and a renter at the same time.

Resident Owned Communities are typically trailer parks or tiny home parks that are not owned by a landlord, but the residents themselves. This allows the lot rent to be used to support the community's upkeep and maintenance and to keep costs low. As far as options that are possible at the lowest price tag, this one is definitely a great option.  Land would need to be purchased, and utilities run to each space. That could be the extent of the investment, which is a fraction of the cost of traditional apartments or houses. It would be fast, too. Residents could then buy their way into the community bringing their own place or some mobile homes could be placed ahead of time. Some lots could be rented or rented to own for those who aren't yet ready or capable of buying into the community. This would increase stability in our community and there is available land near some of our existing trailer parks.

3. Reframing our market-based housing assumptions. 

Folks sometimes assume home owners are the only ones affected with widespread property tax increases. This couldn't be further from the truth. Renters hurt because homeowners are always going to pass their costs on. Rises in property taxes for businesses has made the rental market even more unstable.

 What if, instead of using real estate sales as the basis of our conception of home value, which drives an insanity spiral of tax increases for both renters and owners alike, we reformed the tax code surrounding property taxes? We could divorce our property tax valuation from the market entirely and just create a formula where everyone paid based on square footage, everyone paid a flat rate, we paid by the number of occupants, or so on. We don't have to use the real estate market as a basis for our tax code, we are just used to doing things this way.

Speaking of real estate, instead of taxing the property owners (and therefore the renters) so heavy handedly, why don't we shift some of the tax burden onto the real estate transactions? Last week's real estate sales in our county were lower than most recent weeks at 10 million. Even a transaction tax of a fraction of a percent could generate a lot of local tax revenue in no time! Now imagine if we had the insight to invest some of that capital to make this place a home for people of all classes. Let's start building it!

On Sharing Meals

 My mom learned how to cook as a young housewife, but over the years became a cook with good skill towards simple, filling meals. Nothing fancy or complicated, mom served up chili, red or green, a big pot of spaghetti, or hamburgers with routine and skill. We ate together every evening for dinner. Other kids in our community, like my sister's boyfriend or my best friend, frequently joined our family dinner. Our extended family would join us whenever they came to town. We'd also gather around Grandma Mattie's table for dinner when we were visiting her. In fact, no matter how old Grandma got, she always greeted visitors in the most hospitable way possible- asking if they were hungry and sharing whatever she had in her pantry, no matter how meagre.

My family eats dinner together as well. Of all the other omissions or challenges of modern parental life, I cling to this practice whole-heartedly. Eating together is one true good I am able to provide my family every day, with my husband's brilliant cooking serving as the fare. 

In today's Gospel, a risen Jesus accompanied two apostles on the road. They don't recognize him, but we are told, he was known to them in the breaking of the bread. Even if you aren't a follower of Christ, we can still see the way that this happens in our own relationships. We learn about people, they reveal themselves, through the breaking of the bread. Sharing foods helps us know more about one another. Perhaps we have a conversation with our grandma as she shares a family recipe taking us back through time as we hear about her early life. We might share a meal with our own kids in which we talk about big, important things or small, trivial ones. Or perhaps, you can picture your first date, where you learned something significant about your future spouse.

Community gatherings can go a long way to healing our culture. Every day, loneliness and isolation hurts people in our society. We have a Pandemic of Despair trashing our lives.  These problems hurt the soul and can madden the spirit. What if we had a meal together where we'd talk about our troubles? What if instead of imbibing in ideology and culture war tactics, we sat and ate and asked questions and listened? Our community in Granby Jones has had success in this type of gathering, in large part in due to my dear friend and neighbor's welcoming ways. At our parish, we've been intentional about making more space and time to share meals together and it's something I've really cherished, as well. 

When we're free to really talk and listen, without the self censoring more frequently required in ordinary superficial interactions, we can go a long way towards understanding each other and, likewise, valuing one another. Going deeper, being more vulnerable and genuine, makes one more satisfied in our relationships as well. We also tend to be more peaceful in our own soul.

Last of all, I'd like to remind you that we all need a spot at the table. Jesus calls all people to have a seat at His table; as a follower of Christ, I should aspire to no less.  

What memories of good meals and fellowship do you have? Have you tried to maintain or regain this type of meal? If you could dine with people of a different culture or mindset, would you embrace the opportunity?