Alternate Routes

I admit it. My own patterns of thinking lead to an inflexibility at times. I think we all have been plagued by this kind of inflexibility right now, when life continues, but is not going according to plan. Many of us are suddenly dealing with major life changes: unexpected homeschooling, working from home, laid off,  struggling to provide care for our children while simultaneously working, ect. In addition, we don't have any control about how long or in what ways we will be affected by this virus ravaging our world and spreading fear, strife and sorrow among us.

In light of that inflexibility of thinking, a lot of us are mourning a loss of normalcy. Then slowly, we realize that we can adapt to the changes as they come. 

In one way, that inflexibility was plaguing me in regards to worship- I spoke of my feelings of mourning regarding the temporary loss of the public mass, and subsequently of the longing for the Eucharist in my most recent blog. I was discussing these changes with my brother, a family man and former seminarian who is a great resource for both common sense and theology.

I discussed my feelings of loss and frustration; he had some insights. Firstly, this virus has caused evil in our times. We can recognize that.  Through this evil time, we most certainly need guidance! We are called to be obedient to the leaders of our churches and trust them to guide us in these difficult times. We are blessed with these leaders: priests who can offer us the sacraments, and in other religions, ministers, rabbis and faith leaders who can direct us. While we wait to be more fully engaged in our faith communities, let us not forget to support them financially as their vital work needs to continue now more than ever.

We can also recognize the great blessings we have in our current culture and situation, in which we are able to worship freely and have little fear of persecution or interference. Many times and places in the past and present, it is not so. This regular blessing of readily available masses and the Eucharist is amazing and wonderful, but it hasn't always been so. 

My brother shared the story of Saint Mary of Egypt. She left home at the age of 12, fled to Alexandrea, and led a life of public prostitution. After a time, she became a seductress and began to attempt to seduce Christians on Pilgrimage. Following these Christians on the occasion of the "Feast of Exaltation of the Cross", she attempted to enter the church but was physically unable despite several attempts. She retired to a corner of the churchyard, in which stood a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary. She was filled with remorse, and besought Our Lady for help. In humility, she once again tried to enter, and now was able. She then discerned through prayer that she should depart across the River Jordan. The following day, she received her first Holy Communion in the Church of Saint John the Baptist and then departed into the wilderness of the desert, where she lived absolutely alone for 47 years! Then, Saint Zosinus, a priest and monk, came to the same desert for the entirety of lent in the custom of his order. Saint Zosinus met and befriended Saint Mary and promised to bring the Holy Eucharist to her the following year. They met again only one more time that next year, when she again received the Holy Eucharist, and then she passed from this world. When he returned the following year, he found she had passed away and buried her. 

Only twice in her life was this Saint able to receive communion! Yet, God found other ways to continue to bless her and help her continue her journey of faith. The important point is that God works in any circumstances to bring us an abundance of grace, bringing us to him through a variety of paths, sending us grace in a variety of ways! While we are stuck in our inflexibility, God's whole kingdom, each action, is amazingly supple and able to reach into any circumstances.

What are some actions we can take to actively participate in receiving His grace? How can we do our part to be open to his blessings? One thing that my brother suggested as an area of great opportunity was increasing our devotion to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, which as of now, is still readily available. The Sacrament of Reconciliation, commonly known as confession, is a vital, but sometimes under-utilized sacrament for the forgiveness of sins. It is also tremendously powerful as an avenue to receive grace.

Perhaps if you are not a Catholic Christian reading this, you might wonder, what about me? In fact, a Christian friend of mine recently asked me this very question- if Non-Catholics could go to confession? Firstly, a priest is a wonderful resource for the greater good, and can (and usually quite gladly and eagerly) listen to you and discuss any problems or challenges any person might be facing and offer spiritual guidance to anyone, regardless of their religion. 

All sacraments go together in God's plan for us. When we go to confession, we ask God to receive us back into the Sacramental Life. Therefore, a priest wouldn't be able to offer absolution to someone who isn't yet in the Catholic Church, in the absence of the other sacraments. Does this mean that God's forgiveness and grace aren't available? Of course not!! The gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation is valuable, but God gives graces through many other avenues as well. If someone desires forgiveness, the Word tells us to confess our sins to another. At the most basic level, this starts with admitting our wrongs to the one we've wronged and repairing that bond. This helps our families, our friendships, and humanity as a whole- being humble enough to ask for forgiveness. How simple, yet how amazing! And giving of forgiveness is a life giving, loving act as well! Of course, we can also ask God for forgiveness directly. In his infinite mercy, I'm sure our fervent requests will be heard regardless of format.

Another opportunity to engage with God is reading Sacred Scripture. Thanks to the printing press, literacy and even the internet, God's Holy Word is more accessible now than ever! There are also many books, videos and resources available to help us understand scripture, which can be challenging even to those familiar with it. Oh, and you can also call a priest or other religious leader. They study the Scriptures for years!

If course, we can't forget to focus on prayer! It is our way to Him who leads us. No matter what your prayer life looks like, or how it starts . . "Our Father" "Hail Mary" "Heavenly Father" "Father God" , this time should remind us to focus on our prayer life.

We will return to "normal" life again. Perhaps it will be altered; for some more than others. But until we do, let us be ever watchful for those unexpected blessings. Let us focus our eyes on the gifts of neighbors helping neighbors, the gifts of the courage of medical workers, the gifts of more time and less busyness, and the gifts of family and life and joy.

APA citation. MacRory, J. (1910). St. Mary of Egypt. In The Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company. Retrieved March 22, 2020 from New Advent: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/09763a.htm

Missing Mass . . .

I can't remember the last time I missed Mass on a Sunday. I am not saying this in a bragging way or to show how "holy" I am. I am saying this to demonstrate how integral mass is to myself and many other Catholic Christians. For the devout, it is part of our week and our most important prayer. Through it, our souls are fed and strengthened. It is key to our ongoing mission.

I am not writing this to voice dissent about the Colorado Archbishops' decision. Archbishop Samuel Aquila spoke well in his video explaining the Church's decision in Colorado. He explained that we are practicing charity and prudence by trying flatten the curve, slowing the spread of this disease. As a member of their flock, I respect and will follow their decisions. However, this is still a great blow for us- a cross to bear. I will endeavour to explain some concerns that I have as well as some things that give me hope.

1. Fear spreads fear- I know we why we are doing what we are in our country right now, but it is easy to see how much fear is on the rise. Fear itself is natural, but left unchecked, it can grow in society until people begin to act irrationally. Each new closure and change, rather than leading to rational thoughts and decisions, leads to ramping up our fears. Fear can prevent us from doing what we should. It can prevent us from being faithful. This is why the Bible has the phrase "Be not Afraid" more than any other phrase.

2. Spiritual health is not less important than Physical health. Living out our sacramental life is key to our Spiritual health, which is vital to our lives on earth as well as our eternal lives. While missing mass in this circumstance is not a sin, it doesn't help people live out their sacramental life and get spiritual food for the tough journey ahead.

3. Stopping the public mass sets a bad precedent. I am concerned that now we have made this decision, it will be a slippery slope with each new scare until It is a commonplace occurrence. It also sets a bad precedent for our children who may not see the rational reasons why closures are happening and think that mass attendance isn't important since we are willing to forego it. This is especially true to children who are too young to see the evidence of the pandemic.

Things that give me great hope:

1. The mass continues. Even though we aren't able to attend, our priests and religious will continue to offer mass and prayers for us. Private masses for funerals and weddings may still be available, depending on the the local parish.

2. While technological methods of gathering as a flock is a sorry substitute to actually gathering- we are after all a gregarious species- it is still an option to most of our parishioners.

3. As of right now, we can still go into our churches. Just to sit with the Lord in silence will be a great blessing for many. We can offer our grief and our struggles to the Lord. We can still praise his Holy name.

4.  The Archbishop reassures us that the sacraments are still readily available. So, please, if you need anointing of the sick, contact your local parish. If you need to go to confession, also call your parish office to arrange a time. Your local priest will be extremely willing to work with you to help with your spiritual needs at this time!

5. Life is hard. This time is hard, but it isn't the first time humanity has faced a pandemic or other catastrophe (see these very apt words written by CS Lewis) The Lord will be with us during our struggles and isn't held back from blessing us and acting in our lives because of our current circumstances. Keep praying for and helping one another!

Giving it up . . .

Again, we are reaching the time of year where we begin the season of Lent. This season is one of repentance, which means "turning back". When mistakes are made, repentance is in the grace required to turn to our loved ones with  "I'm Sorry" or "You were right" or even simply, "Peace".

Some of the disciplines we Catholics focus on this time of year are fasting, abstinence from meat, and almsgiving. Frequently, a Catholic may choose an item they will fast from or give up during Lent. Abstinence from meat is expected on Fridays during Lent as well as Ash Wednesday. Fasting is expected on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday for Catholics 18-59 years of age and eating less food less frequently is the aim of this practice. Almsgiving is the practice of giving additional offerings, typically financial or acts of service, and usually for the aid of the most poverty stricken or vulnerable members of humanity. While some criticize these practices as old fashioned, they are still more relevant than ever.  But what is the point of these ancient practices?

There are a lot of ways these three practices are valuable. At its core, almsgiving is a life giving practice because we provide money for food and shelter to people who need it most through programs such as "Operation Rice Bowl" and "Catholic Relief Services". Abstaining from meat as well as fasting can be part of this life-giving practice as well, as the original concept of "Operation Rice Bowl" was to take the money not spent on those food and beverage items and give it to the poor. So, the utilization of the resources that I would otherwise consume myself is now given to others, doing good to those who need it most.

Other than the simple giving aspect of these practices, I believe there is something else powerful going on. These 3 practices all involve discipline. Say, for instance, I decide I will not eat chocolate during Lent (for the record, I would never do something so challenging, LOL!). I now have the opportunity to ask the Lord for help in overcoming temptation. If I fail, I have the opportunity to try again and recognize God's mercy and abundance of love for my stumbling self. In the times I do succeed, I realize I can control myself. I can control my appetites. I grow in virtue and my connection with the Lord grows as I rely on his help to battle temptations. I can say "No" to myself; I can defer enjoyment. I don't have to live "in my stomach" or "in my emotions".

Wait! Why is being able to deny myself or my wants or even needs an important skill to have? Aren't my wants or needs important? Is there something wrong with me enjoying myself?

The answer lies in the circumstances, and requires discernment. Certainly, your wants and needs, and meeting those, can be important and valuable. Self care is important! But living in a family, we can certainly recognize that there are times that someone else's wants and needs trump my own. I may need time out with my girlfriends, but my daughter needs to go to the doctor more! I may want to spend money on new furnishings, but my husband may need the money for his medications more. Being able to weigh the needs and the wants of the whole family, and strike a balance, is key to the well-being of the family. When it doesn't happen appropriately, strife and conflict ensue. Think of couples going through a divorce- how frequently an imbalance in wants and needs between the partners is at the core of the root problem!

Then there are times that my wants or needs are outright destructive. Think of a parent battling alcoholism. Their entire family has gathered for an intervention. Health has deteriorated. Childcare needs are not being met. The parent knows and admits they have a problem with drinking, but they can't control it. My point is not that this individual should do such and such, have more discipline, etc. There are many different paths for helping this individual (Rehab, AA, Celebrate Recovery, etc). My point is simply that our desires, at their core, can be for something negative.

Practicing a discipline where we deny ourselves for the good of others systematically, even in a small Lenten practice, normalizes this skill for us. It gives us baby steps to practice on. Children can use the Lenten practices to learn more self control as well! Even something as simple as learning the self control not to take that second cupcake is difficult (failed that one last night!) The more we practice any skill, the easier it will become, which will lead to a better balance within ourselves. How many of us eat what we know we should and exercise as we know we should? Making some small effort in our Lenten practices can foster mindfulness in our choices in these regards as well.

Beyond the typical types of self denial and self sacrifice, lifelong practicing and honing those skills gave saints like Saint Maximillian Kolbe the spiritual strength to make the ultimate sacrifice to save another. In less spectacular ways, all of our society benefits when people have the self control to live in a lawful, orderly society. Even skills such as taking turns or not interrupting at their roots involve self denial in a small way.

What is really great is this is all customizable! We pray and then choose a discipline that will work for us. It certainly doesn't have to be a food item, either. If you are having trouble choosing, consider one of these optionsAleteia: 10 things to give up for Lent besides chocolate

Once we've chosen a discipline, the point is not to do it perfectly! The point is to try. And a quick disclaimer - I am personally terrible at fasting. No sooner than I know I'm fasting than I am thinking about food! But, not being good at it is kind of the point- and kind of why we need it!

Lastly, all the disciplines in the word won't bring us closer to the Lord without prayer! Fasting and prayer should go hand in hand as we turn over our wants and desires to Him. Please have a peace filled and fulfilling Lenten season.

The Culture of Contempt

Who is sitting around your Thanksgiving table today? Friends, family, coworkers? Do you love those there? Probably, if you invited them, at least! Do you fight about politics with them? Do you dread the interactions because of landmine issues? Are you silently seething but won't speak up to keep the peace? Or are you the muzzled, non-disclosure type, in a sanitized group who dare not speak of those forbidden subjects- religion and politics?

It doesn't matter what your political views are right now; you probably are surprised and chagrined by the level of animosity out there in our polarized political climate. As I mentioned in a previous blog, my sister-in-law was followed by another vehicle's owners because they were angry about her bumper sticker. Our political leaders set poor examples during public discourse as rules of common decency are ignored. And who out there has de-friended or at least snoozed someone they love (or at least like) because of posts of political content? When did we get so afraid to tolerate discussion? When did discourse get replaced by insults?

I recently watched a talk by Dr. Arthur Brooks, Harvard Professor. In it, he introduced me to the words "Motive Attribution Asymetry". This is a term for 2 parties in an intractable conflict - they  believe that they each are motivated by love, but the other side is motivated by hatred, so there is no reason to talk. This is actually a cognitive error. Both sides can't be right, so one side is wrong or both. Think major world conflicts. Think of the worst divorce you've ever encountered.

Dr. Arthur Brooks, in his scholarly pursuits, read an article in the Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences about Motive Attribution Asymetry. What is striking is that the authors concluded (back in February 2014) that Democrats and Republicans were demonstrating the same level of Motive Attribution Asymetry as Palestinians and Isrealis! Do you think relations have improved since then? "When Left and Right are acting like hostile foes or blood enemies, there is no way we can make progress, we go nowhere" Dr. Arthur Brooks summarizes. How many government shutdowns have we encountered in recent years?

Who doesn't love to be right? To surround yourself with those who agree and sneer at those who don't. And if you are too polite to sneer to someone's face, in the more hostile worlds of social media you may be just fine reposting a meme calling someone a racist for wearing a hat. Because you agree! Without thinking about why someone else has the view they have. Without caring for them as an individual. Without understanding. They are a villain, plain and simple.

We are all so sure we're the ones who are right! Not only is that other side stupid and evil, but they are responsible for all those problems out there! Too bad problems have been happening to humanity since the beginning. That kind of throws a wrench in the works. Maybe there are some good ideas from both sides!?!

My challenge to you today? First, watch the Dr. Brooks talk (it is attached below) as he has some phenomenal ideas about actually fixing the situation! Secondly, when you run into something you don't agree with online, try to consider the other person's viewpoint and if you do respond, so so respectfully. We are all humans and deserve that. Third, for those who are afraid to discuss the "unspeakables", start up a political or religious discussion with someone you know and listen considerately to their viewpoint. This world needs more love and less hate!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=emb_title&v=3CeZb3zK_Qw&fbclid=IwAR3uYXNLmX83ZxZ3ermhh15PyaMAgMI_Om4iCZmN_UmFS-zGjD-29Tejy08

Things That Pro-Choice People Say That Drive Their Pro-Life Friends Crazy

Most of my friends and readers know that I am deeply pro-life. It is at the core of who I am and I am not afraid to share that with anyone. I have quite a number of pro-choice friends- we don't have to agree with our friends on everything and we respect each other. However, on social media right now,  the contention between pro-life and pro-choice folks has hit a fevered pitch. And the animosity is spilling over into real life. For instance, my sister in law was driving down the road in the city and the passenger in a neighboring car started flipping her off. She continued to flip her off for several blocks and when they both stopped at a traffic light, this individual got out of her car and tried to remove her pro-life bumper sticker. Luckily, that was the extent of the altercation, but it was unsettling! It seems right now that the divide between the sides in this debate is so deep. Anger is bubbling up on both sides. Here are some of the things that bother those of us on the Pro-life side of the debate

1. Antiabortion Advocates: Whenever you are opposed diametrically with an adversary and want to come together to dialogue about your differences, the respectful thing to do is to use your opponent's self chosen terms. I ask you, if you reject the words pro-life and instead use the words anti-abortion advocate, then wouldn't that leave the opposing side's term "pro-abortion"? Most, if not quite all, pro-life people would not use the term "pro-abortion" to refer to people who are pro-choice. So, be respectful and use the term pro-life or sanctity of life advocate.

 

Some people are rejecting the term pro-life because they say that the pro-life community isn't doing other things that are pro-life: opposing wars, providing education, protecting the environment, helping immigrants, or helping those in poverty. They may say that in order to be pro-life, you have to look at a multitude of factors. I would agree that these arenas are worthy and important things to do. There is always more to do! But people have to start somewhere. So, start with what is important to you! You would have to look at all of those other factors as well, but also at protecting life. So, pro-life would mean protecting life in the womb + protecting the environment, opposing wars and the death penalty, etc.  But you can't really claim to be pro-life without leading with the main sanctity of life issues such as abortion and euthanasia. It's confusing to add more things to the category, but it does not completely negate the category by saying well, why don't you care about  XYZ? Some say that those which call themselves pro-life should instead call themselves pro-pregnancy or pro-birth; but do these terms make any sense? Would a politician let you know he was an abortion advocate by saying he was anti-birth or anti-pregnancy? I hope not!

 

I can offer another example. I volunteer for a breastfeeding organization. Our primary goal is providing breastfeeding support. There are lots of other  things that are important when providing maternal support; lots of other organizations who support moms. There are maternity leave rights, there is maternal mental health, there are infant massages, there is PIWI (Parents Interacting With Infants), there is WIC, there is natural child birth. But our breastfeeding organization does not focus on any of these other categories because they look at the primacy of the mission which is to provide breastfeeding support.

 

So, for the people who are active in the pro-life ministry, the primacy of the mission has to do with trying to help prevent abortion. These individuals' main objective is to support women in a crisis pregnancy and come alongside them and help them have the resources they need to choose life. There is room for a lot of other services, but for a pro-life person, preventing abortion is a key component to the goal. So, please be respectful and use the term pro-life.

 

2. Reproductive Rights. Anything having to do with rights sounds good. We like to defend rights in our country. So, a politician might say use a euphemism like "I want to protect women's reproductive rights" instead of the more straightforward, " I want women to have access to abortion". This is probably because abortion remains one of the largest polarizing issues in our country. When a politician is talking about protecting women's reproductive rights, what is he even talking about? Abortion is the main issue that comes to mind. No one is seriously working towards or advancing any sort of legislation to end contraception, even those of us who do not use it for moral reasons or believe that it is part of the problem. Since people don't like the sound of abortion, don't like to talk about it or think about it, politicians use the cool sounding phrase "reproductive rights" instead. Why do I have a problem with this phrase? 

 

Firstly, because it is inaccurate. Abortion is not actually about reproduction, so it is inaccurate to classify it as so. It is actually the opposite. It is anti-reproduction. it is anti-fertility. You may think me nit-picky, but saying abortion is a reproductive right is like saying censorship protects the freedom of speech. 

 

Secondly, calling it a right makes us sound like we have autonomy over our bodies. We're the ones in charge. We're the ones in control- "I am a woman, so I can choose whatever I like". But this is not how the natural system or God's plan works. We don't have autonomy over our bodies at all! If we did, we could say things like, "I have the right to not get cancer" or for my daughter, "She has the right to be free of diabetes." Even something as simple as our digestive system- how many women would love to be able to say, "I have the right to have a bowel movement every day." As humans, we hate how much we don't have control of or can't even predict.

 

The reality is, if unprotected intercourse happens when a woman is fertile, she is likely to become pregnant. But there is some mystery involved here, too! As a teenager, I had unprotected intercourse plenty of times (I know, shocking!) and I luckily did not become pregnant. But there are plenty of people who are having protected (or semi-protected) sex and getting pregnant. And there are many people who are trying to conceive and they aren't guaranteed that they will conceive either, even when there is no clear reason systematically that they should not. To me, it is a mixture of the scientific formula of favorable conditions and what I'd label a God moment! There is no way you can guarantee to either conceive or to not conceive, whichever you are aiming for. In prior times, as author Jennifer Fulwiler points out, if you were having sex, the expectation was that you would be having children, and so those who weren't prepared for that were encouraged by society to abstain from sex. This in our modern times has taken a new shape and is called sexual risk avoidance. Either way, we can see that humankind would have died out many years ago if it had not been for the God given gift of our fertility. So, it is clear that we really don't have control over the situation after all.

3. Pro-life people are all white, male, Evangelical Republicans who just want to use access to abortion to control women.

Just as pro-choice people come from every possible background, so do pro-life people. For instance, there is a growing movement in the Democratic party to accommodate individuals who are pro-life. Both Catholics and Evangelicals are overwhelmingly pro-life; but many other Christian sects also are pro-life or have some pro-life members, who oftentimes support some limitations on abortion. This is also true of members of both the Jewish and Islam religions. And a remarkable tale is told in "Black and Prolife in America, the incarceration and exoneration of Walter B Hoye II", in which Walter, a Baptist minister, was arrested for holding a sign in front of a Planned Parenthood building in Oakland, California that said, "God loves you and your baby. Let us help you." The face of the pro-life movement is diverse, and it is both untruthful and simplistic to represent it in the above light.

Just as the face of the pro-life movement is diverse, the motivation behind it is also diverse. Many women who have had abortions themselves join the pro-life movement because they want to help other women avoid what they themselves have gone through. Many of them have galvanized around the "Silent No More" Campaign.  Many people hold strong religious objections to abortion due to the ending of a life of the child. Abortion survivors are another group of people who are speaking loudly in the pro-life movement. So are some individuals with disabilities and those who love them, the same disabilities of which a couple might be counseled to seek an abortion when they find out their child has it, such as Down's Syndrome.

In answer to those who say those who are pro-life are anti-women, there are many pro-life feminists, who argue that abortion itself is damaging for women. Fiorella Nash, for instance, discusses many aspects of this in her book, "The Abolition of Woman: How Radical Feminism Is Betraying Women"  Also, Sue Ellen Browder wrote her expose, "Subverted: How I Helped the Sexual Revolution Hijack the Women's Movement", in which she explains how abortion became one of the calling cards of feminism, as it was not part of the original 1960's women's movement.

 

Many are drawn to the pro-life movement due to the issue of gender-cide, in which baby girls are aborted or suffer infanticide throughout the world based solely on the fact that they are female. Watch this heartbreaking video on the "Save a Girl" campaign to learn more.

Lastly and strongly compelling to me are the number of former abortionists and former Planned Parenthood employees who have joined the pro-life movement. Recently, "Unplanned" was released to national audiences, a movie describing the evolution of Abby Johnson's call from a volunteer to the director of a Texas Planned Parenthood clinic to the pro-life movement (There is also a book by the same title). These individuals witnessed the realities of abortion and turned away from what they could no longer defend.

Clearly there are many faces to the pro-life movement, and many reasons for joining the pro-life movement. Simply dismissing all pro-lifers as those wanting to repress women is to ignore the diversity within the pro-life movement and dismiss the motivations for each person.

I'd like to end here on a note about dialogue. Pope Francis is a big proponent of dialogue; whenever there is strife between dissenting groups, the road to collaboration and understanding begins with dialogue and looking for common ground. Perhaps we can do that here, people. It seems like tensions between Pro-life and Pro-choice people will continue to build, but instead of assuming the worst about the individual who holds the opposing opinion, engage them in a dialogue. Ask them what they believe and why they believe it. Don't be afraid of discussion. In light of that, if anyone out there wants to know more about why I am pro-life, please don't hesitate to ask me.

Suffer in Silence

When I was a kid, whenever my dad suffered some slight, injustice, or injury, he would always repeat the mantra that he would just "Suffer in Silence." The irony of his verbalizations, spoken tongue in cheek, always made us children groan and/or giggle depending on the situation. The refrain was half joke, as is much of what my dad says, but a recollection of it got me thinking this Lent. Perhaps we could all do a little more of our suffering in silence?

Now, I'll start by explaining a bit what I don't mean. I don't mean to say that there isn't times to bring up and talk about our sufferings. Counseling services and grief support group meetings come to mind, for instance. Great healing can come from verbalizing our pain. Speaking up in light of injustices suffered to create a climate of change is key. When we verbalize these types of problems, we can let others that bear a silent burden know that they are not alone. Not shutting out our friends and letting them know what we are going through builds strong bridges between us. Even venting our frustrations can be useful at times.

Rather, the behavior I'm thinking about here is complaining. We all do it. It's very common in our culture. There are even rewards for complaining, like a free meal or free movie tickets for when our expectations aren't met.  It is very natural to start complaining. It's when we keep complaining that it can become a problem. I had a problem like this, mostly as a young adult. My problems- or even preferences- became someone else's problems, big time! If it wasn't right, you were going to hear about it from me. And with a bit of my father's temper, I could be pretty nasty about it.  I was rude on the phone to call center folks when I didn't get the answer I wanted to right away. I lost my temper at customer service professionals at the service desk for taking up too much of my time. Heck, I even threw an ill-fitting bra at the unsuspecting lady at a returns desk who would not let me return it since the tag was detached. Instead, it would have been much better if I had just suffered in silence.

Bishop Robert Barron, who makes popular videos on YouTube, mentioned in an interview recently that when he reads posts of people responding to his videos, he makes sure to remember that with each negative post, there is a person behind it. That person has real world problems and perhaps painful baggage that may make them react strongly and angrily to his work. He feels that it is part of his work to minister to those people.

How does Bishop Barron's perspective tie in to the idea to "Suffer in Silence"? Simply in that each complaint, each angry confrontation, the constant clammer to make every slight inconvenience up to us consumers, there is a receiving party. A person who might hang their head in shame when they read the scathing review we've posted about their restaurant or get in trouble for making too many costly errors when we insist on a whole new cheeseburger when we receive one with onions. There may be a waitress who doesn't have enough money for rent because we stiffed her tip for slow service. We flip the bird to a driver who cuts us off and they pass the bad vibe on by honking at someone else. When we choose to get angry, yell at customer service, rudely hang up on telemarketers, or generally create a stink, we've just made someone's day get worse. I've tried to learn to walk away and cool down before I hurt someone, even if it is just with my words. Treating all humans with respect and dignity can be hard. It can be humbling not to react angrily when someone else cuts you off, or flips you off. And, if it is too late and you've already lost your temper, make it right if you can by apologizing, rather than cowering and avoiding that person in embarrassment.

Of course, all those call center folks, hotel maids and restaurant workers deserve even more than a politely neutral interaction with us.Christ calls us to give of ourselves, even if we feel like we can only do just a tiny bit more. Leave a note for your hotel maid thanking her for caring for your room. I talk to a lot of phone representatives for my job, and I try to remember to ask how their day is going. See someone upset, angry or worried in a public place and ask them if you can help or just say "Rough Day, eh?" in a sympathetic tone. Then, just listen. We can brake to let someone over who just needs to merge to make it to their exit, and how about giving them a big smile and wave, too?  Saint Teresa of Calcutta sums this thought up well- "Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness."

Why Lent?

At the end of winter each year, Catholics prepare for Easter with a season called Lent. By many modern day standards, lent is somewhat paradoxical- about giving away rather than getting; about your happiness rather than mine. It's not "Make America Great Again" but "Make America Good Again". It's not "Have it your way" Burger King style; but rather, don't be so worried if someone puts "GASP" an onion on your burger.

Lent starts with Ash Wednesday- the ultimate humility lesson. We proceed forward and the priest or a congregation member draws the sign of the cross on our foreheads, stating "Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return". This phrase is humility in its essence. If we were smack talking while playing basketball, this is the equivalent of "You an't all that".  God tells us this in a loving way. We are reminded in this scripture passage of the Genesis' creation account, where God forms Adam out of clay. The essence behind it is that we are creatures, created by a loving God. Our existence depends on Him who created us.  We cannot create new life on our own, nor can we will our own existence or even survival, no matter how many protein shakes we slurp or quinoa salads we crunch. Humility literally means "down or of the earth". We are organic beings at our core. No matter how mighty we try to rise, we need to recognize this, and recognize the humanity of others sharing the earth with us, as well.  

 

This biblical passage from Genesis is a quote from God: "Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return". God tells this to Adam and Eve in the garden right after the fall (Genesis 6). This passage reminds us that as humans, we have the tendency to make mistakes. No matter our best intentions, we wind up messing up, screwing up, putting someone down, losing our temper, falling into temptation, picking a fight, or glorifying ourselves, to name a few of the possibilities. This concept is known to Catholics as Original Sin. And it is perfectly normal and natural! Paradoxically, Christ reminds is that this is both normal and natural, but also that we are called to do better. Sin is in our default programming, but Christ rewrote the code to allow us to have an operating system that actually works! Weekly, monthly (or yearly!) partaking in the Sacrament of Reconciliation (AKA Confession) is the antivirus software He runs to keep us functioning in a state of grace. If you are not Catholic, then I would recommend personal repentance to the Lord, who is infinitely merciful.  

Even though we are reminded of our organic nature by Ash Wednesday, Lent at the same time reminds us that we are more. At its heart, Lent is a time that reminds us that we cannot be satisfied solely by the stuff of this world- "I can only rest when I rest in you". We are born to seek. We are born for higher fulfillment- a desire that always directs us towards God.  This means that although we are "of the earth" in our very nature, our soul hungers for more. We can see this time and again in our consumer society. If getting "stuff" truly satisfied us, those with more "stuff" would be more satisfied and those who had less would automatically be less satisfied. I get the sense that greed is the disordered passion for finding something that satisfies, that sets us on a path to desire more and more earthly goods. But nothing of this earth can satisfy, which is why we see many well-to-do people so thoroughly unsatisfied. Lent turns the equation on its ear.  Lent's new equation- Stuff + Stuff ≠ Happiness. By giving up something material, we realize that we didn't need it or want it to begin with. Lent reminds us we don't need this stuff, really. Lent is all about cleaning out the closet.