Suffer in Silence

When I was a kid, whenever my dad suffered some slight, injustice, or injury, he would always repeat the mantra that he would just "Suffer in Silence." The irony of his verbalizations, spoken tongue in cheek, always made us children groan and/or giggle depending on the situation. The refrain was half joke, as is much of what my dad says, but a recollection of it got me thinking this Lent. Perhaps we could all do a little more of our suffering in silence?

Now, I'll start by explaining a bit what I don't mean. I don't mean to say that there isn't times to bring up and talk about our sufferings. Counseling services and grief support group meetings come to mind, for instance. Great healing can come from verbalizing our pain. Speaking up in light of injustices suffered to create a climate of change is key. When we verbalize these types of problems, we can let others that bear a silent burden know that they are not alone. Not shutting out our friends and letting them know what we are going through builds strong bridges between us. Even venting our frustrations can be useful at times.

Rather, the behavior I'm thinking about here is complaining. We all do it. It's very common in our culture. There are even rewards for complaining, like a free meal or free movie tickets for when our expectations aren't met.  It is very natural to start complaining. It's when we keep complaining that it can become a problem. I had a problem like this, mostly as a young adult. My problems- or even preferences- became someone else's problems, big time! If it wasn't right, you were going to hear about it from me. And with a bit of my father's temper, I could be pretty nasty about it.  I was rude on the phone to call center folks when I didn't get the answer I wanted to right away. I lost my temper at customer service professionals at the service desk for taking up too much of my time. Heck, I even threw an ill-fitting bra at the unsuspecting lady at a returns desk who would not let me return it since the tag was detached. Instead, it would have been much better if I had just suffered in silence.

Bishop Robert Barron, who makes popular videos on YouTube, mentioned in an interview recently that when he reads posts of people responding to his videos, he makes sure to remember that with each negative post, there is a person behind it. That person has real world problems and perhaps painful baggage that may make them react strongly and angrily to his work. He feels that it is part of his work to minister to those people.

How does Bishop Barron's perspective tie in to the idea to "Suffer in Silence"? Simply in that each complaint, each angry confrontation, the constant clammer to make every slight inconvenience up to us consumers, there is a receiving party. A person who might hang their head in shame when they read the scathing review we've posted about their restaurant or get in trouble for making too many costly errors when we insist on a whole new cheeseburger when we receive one with onions. There may be a waitress who doesn't have enough money for rent because we stiffed her tip for slow service. We flip the bird to a driver who cuts us off and they pass the bad vibe on by honking at someone else. When we choose to get angry, yell at customer service, rudely hang up on telemarketers, or generally create a stink, we've just made someone's day get worse. I've tried to learn to walk away and cool down before I hurt someone, even if it is just with my words. Treating all humans with respect and dignity can be hard. It can be humbling not to react angrily when someone else cuts you off, or flips you off. And, if it is too late and you've already lost your temper, make it right if you can by apologizing, rather than cowering and avoiding that person in embarrassment.

Of course, all those call center folks, hotel maids and restaurant workers deserve even more than a politely neutral interaction with us.Christ calls us to give of ourselves, even if we feel like we can only do just a tiny bit more. Leave a note for your hotel maid thanking her for caring for your room. I talk to a lot of phone representatives for my job, and I try to remember to ask how their day is going. See someone upset, angry or worried in a public place and ask them if you can help or just say "Rough Day, eh?" in a sympathetic tone. Then, just listen. We can brake to let someone over who just needs to merge to make it to their exit, and how about giving them a big smile and wave, too?  Saint Teresa of Calcutta sums this thought up well- "Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness."

Why Lent?

At the end of winter each year, Catholics prepare for Easter with a season called Lent. By many modern day standards, lent is somewhat paradoxical- about giving away rather than getting; about your happiness rather than mine. It's not "Make America Great Again" but "Make America Good Again". It's not "Have it your way" Burger King style; but rather, don't be so worried if someone puts "GASP" an onion on your burger.

Lent starts with Ash Wednesday- the ultimate humility lesson. We proceed forward and the priest or a congregation member draws the sign of the cross on our foreheads, stating "Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return". This phrase is humility in its essence. If we were smack talking while playing basketball, this is the equivalent of "You an't all that".  God tells us this in a loving way. We are reminded in this scripture passage of the Genesis' creation account, where God forms Adam out of clay. The essence behind it is that we are creatures, created by a loving God. Our existence depends on Him who created us.  We cannot create new life on our own, nor can we will our own existence or even survival, no matter how many protein shakes we slurp or quinoa salads we crunch. Humility literally means "down or of the earth". We are organic beings at our core. No matter how mighty we try to rise, we need to recognize this, and recognize the humanity of others sharing the earth with us, as well.  

 

This biblical passage from Genesis is a quote from God: "Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return". God tells this to Adam and Eve in the garden right after the fall (Genesis 6). This passage reminds us that as humans, we have the tendency to make mistakes. No matter our best intentions, we wind up messing up, screwing up, putting someone down, losing our temper, falling into temptation, picking a fight, or glorifying ourselves, to name a few of the possibilities. This concept is known to Catholics as Original Sin. And it is perfectly normal and natural! Paradoxically, Christ reminds is that this is both normal and natural, but also that we are called to do better. Sin is in our default programming, but Christ rewrote the code to allow us to have an operating system that actually works! Weekly, monthly (or yearly!) partaking in the Sacrament of Reconciliation (AKA Confession) is the antivirus software He runs to keep us functioning in a state of grace. If you are not Catholic, then I would recommend personal repentance to the Lord, who is infinitely merciful.  

Even though we are reminded of our organic nature by Ash Wednesday, Lent at the same time reminds us that we are more. At its heart, Lent is a time that reminds us that we cannot be satisfied solely by the stuff of this world- "I can only rest when I rest in you". We are born to seek. We are born for higher fulfillment- a desire that always directs us towards God.  This means that although we are "of the earth" in our very nature, our soul hungers for more. We can see this time and again in our consumer society. If getting "stuff" truly satisfied us, those with more "stuff" would be more satisfied and those who had less would automatically be less satisfied. I get the sense that greed is the disordered passion for finding something that satisfies, that sets us on a path to desire more and more earthly goods. But nothing of this earth can satisfy, which is why we see many well-to-do people so thoroughly unsatisfied. Lent turns the equation on its ear.  Lent's new equation- Stuff + Stuff ≠ Happiness. By giving up something material, we realize that we didn't need it or want it to begin with. Lent reminds us we don't need this stuff, really. Lent is all about cleaning out the closet.