Monday, April 10, 2017

Suffer in Silence

When I was a kid, whenever my dad suffered some slight, injustice, or injury, he would always repeat the mantra that he would just "Suffer in Silence." The irony of his verbalizations, spoken tongue in cheek, always made us children groan and/or giggle depending on the situation. The refrain was half joke, as is much of what my dad says, but a recollection of it got me thinking this Lent. Perhaps we could all do a little more of our suffering in silence?

Now, I'll start by explaining a bit what I don't mean. I don't mean to say that there isn't times to bring up and talk about our sufferings. Counseling services and grief support group meetings come to mind, for instance. Great healing can come from verbalizing our pain. Speaking up in light of injustices suffered to create a climate of change is key. When we verbalize these types of problems, we can let others that bear a silent burden know that they are not alone. Not shutting out our friends and letting them know what we are going through builds strong bridges between us. Even venting our frustrations can be useful at times.

Rather, the behavior I'm thinking about here is complaining. We all do it. It's very common in our culture. There are even rewards for complaining, like a free meal or free movie tickets for when our expectations aren't met.  It is very natural to start complaining. It's when we keep complaining that it can become a problem. I had a problem like this, mostly as a young adult. My problems- or even preferences- became someone else's problems, big time! If it wasn't right, you were going to hear about it from me. And with a bit of my father's temper, I could be pretty nasty about it.  I was rude on the phone to call center folks when I didn't get the answer I wanted to right away. I lost my temper at customer service professionals at the service desk for taking up too much of my time. Heck, I even threw an ill-fitting bra at the unsuspecting lady at a returns desk who would not let me return it since the tag was detached. Instead, it would have been much better if I had just suffered in silence.

Bishop Robert Barron, who makes popular videos on YouTube, mentioned in an interview recently that when he reads posts of people responding to his videos, he makes sure to remember that with each negative post, there is a person behind it. That person has real world problems and perhaps painful baggage that may make them react strongly and angrily to his work. He feels that it is part of his work to minister to those people.

How does Bishop Barron's perspective tie in to the idea to "Suffer in Silence"? Simply in that each complaint, each angry confrontation, the constant clammer to make every slight inconvenience up to us consumers, there is a receiving party. A person who might hang their head in shame when they read the scathing review we've posted about their restaurant or get in trouble for making too many costly errors when we insist on a whole new cheeseburger when we receive one with onions. There may be a waitress who doesn't have enough money for rent because we stiffed her tip for slow service. We flip the bird to a driver who cuts us off and they pass the bad vibe on by honking at someone else. When we choose to get angry, yell at customer service, rudely hang up on telemarketers, or generally create a stink, we've just made someone's day get worse. I've tried to learn to walk away and cool down before I hurt someone, even if it is just with my words. Treating all humans with respect and dignity can be hard. It can be humbling not to react angrily when someone else cuts you off, or flips you off. And, if it is too late and you've already lost your temper, make it right if you can by apologizing, rather than cowering and avoiding that person in embarrassment.

Of course, all those call center folks, hotel maids and restaurant workers deserve even more than a politely neutral interaction with us.Christ calls us to give of ourselves, even if we feel like we can only do just a tiny bit more. Leave a note for your hotel maid thanking her for caring for your room. I talk to a lot of phone representatives for my job, and I try to remember to ask how their day is going. See someone upset, angry or worried in a public place and ask them if you can help or just say "Rough Day, eh?" in a sympathetic tone. Then, just listen. We can brake to let someone over who just needs to merge to make it to their exit, and how about giving them a big smile and wave, too?  Saint Teresa of Calcutta sums this thought up well- "Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do. Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness."

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